After a whirlwind weekend spent in panicked shopping, I finally settled on what to wear to my first ever office holiday party. It doesn’t get any more corporate, or conservative, than the office I temp in, and since I’m angling for them to hire me for real I’ve been ridiculously nervous about my gender presentation. I walk the line with them – not wearing a full suit and tie, per se, but I’ll definitely display the blazer and pants from the men’s section, and I wear the most masculine women’s pinstripe suits I could find (which pretty much pass, to my discerning eye).
The holiday party is a different animal, however, since it’s fancy. Suit and tie required fancy. Beverly Hills Country Club fancy. Which means all the office women will be in their best cocktail motif. And me? I was worried I was going to be stuck wearing my same 9-5 workaday suit, since all my most fancy duds are very, very, very butch. Tie and suspender combo butch. And I’m still working up to that point with this office.
However! I’ve been saved by the androgynous choice of all ages, which I am dubbing the casual tuxedo look. Pair a tux jacket (dinner jacket, no tails) with a fancy-ish or tux shirt, leave off the tie, and shine up your shoes. I’m still looking for the right accessories – a good silver pendant woud be nice, but here’s what I’ve found:
armani exchange. 40% off. saved my life.
Behold the Sequin Shirt, from Armani Exchange. I was losing steam on Sunday, striking out on all the affordable tuxedo shirt fronts, and then my gf found this one in the least-likely-to-be-on-sale-or-ever-be-affordable store ever.
Let’s take a closer look.
tiny shiny sequins.
Never did I think I’d wear ANYTHING sequined (unless, of course, I was workin’ it with my drag-queen self). But these are actually so subtle while still adding that shiny flair, they’re really great, and I LOVE the covered placket. And the shirt fits me well in the torso – I am taking it to the tailor today to have the sleeves shortened a bit and the shoulders taken in. Once it’s all done and pressed I will be pretty and shiny and still butch.
I’m going to pair it with:
H&M one-button tux jacket.
Because I buy my jackets a bit small, so they fit snug in the shoulders and across the back, I rarely button them (I rarely can, but most folks don’t notice). That way the sequins will dazzle all the way down. Add some good black trousers and the right silver accessories and I think I might just pull it off. My gf will be in high-cocktail dress with the best of them.
Your struggle with finding the appropriate outfit for your office holiday party struck me. I wonder if rather than internalize the dilemma, it could be as simple as this: Wear what you want. Don’t over-think it and worry its “too butch.” The problem with finding the “right” outfit this time is that it sets you up for putting yourself in this same place the next time, and the next, and the next with these people. If you wear what you want and you don’t get the job because you’re too butch, it wasn’t the place for you–because, you are too butch for that place. However, if you wear what you want and still get the job, you’ll never have to worry about “fitting in.” I may be oversimplifying it, and I don’t mean to be dismissive, but I equate this to the question I’m often asked “should I out myself on my resume, or ‘straighten it up’ to get the job I want.” My response has always been if you don’t want to work in a place where the ‘mos are not accepted, don’t you want to know up front?” Again, I could be oversimplifying and I don’t mean to be dismissive.
Hi Patty –
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I don’t find them dismissive in the least, actually they highlight exactly my dilemma in this situation. Because, intellectually, I completely agree with you and had that thought way more than once during my shopping experience – of course I don’t want to work someplace where I’m not accepted for who I am – but believing that and finding the bravery to follow through have proven to be two separate things for me. (And, to clarify, this office isn’t homophobic or hateful at all, just very conservative. I’m the only openly gay employee.) I guess that’s part of why I write these things here – even though I’ve presented as butch (by my standards, at least) since I was roughly 7 years old, 23 years later I’m still a bit shy and scared. I am well aware of the irony that I will go audition for national commercials and TV shows dressed as butch as can be, but then I wiggle and squirm when it comes to my day job. It’s tied up in so many ways for me – memories of past judgements, my recent weight loss rendering most of my “party” and “work” clothes three sizes too big, coming to terms with my female body, coming to terms with my need to be accepted for who I am. It is not oversimplifying to state the obvious: that I should “Wear what I want;” I try each day to be brave enough to do just that, but I’m still on that journey of self-acceptance. I’m walking a middle ground right now, getting closer to my truest, strongest (possibly butchest) self. Thank you for the reminder, and your simple encouragement.
-Max