So that whole gratitude armor thing didn’t really work. On Friday morning, before I was even showered, my father went in for the political kill. The argument that ensued involved me telling him to fuck off and him telling me to get the fuck out, so C and I packed our stuff and came back home.

And the thing is, the fight wasn’t about politics, or money, or any of the things actually discussed. The fight was entirely about each of us respecting the other, and talking to the other in a respectful way.

I was reminded forcibly of this excellent post from Butch Wonders:

To discuss issues with someone, I have prior questions.  A central one is: are we equals?  I am using “equals” in the sense of people who see each other as people, discussing and exchanging ideas–in the “all people are created equal” sense.  Does the person value me and consider me valid as a human?

To me, someone who does not believe in equal rights for gays and lesbians sees me (and/or my behavior) as subhuman.  They do not believe that my full, real self is equal to their full, real self.  They do not see me and my life the same way they see themselves and their lives.  For this reason, the answer to the prior question of whether this is a person with whom I can engage in rational debate is “no.”  If you don’t see me as your equal in terms of the human rights I deserve, it’s very, very difficult for me to think you’re worthwhile to engage with about anything else.

(Read the entire thing here.)

I don’t think my dad thinks I’m his equal, in this sense. Sure, he loves me – that is not even a question. But you can love something you still pity and wish to control.