I went off to the play audition for the FTM character last Thursday dressed in my college-years best: baggy khakis, full binding, gray t shirt with blue plaid button down and a black skater jacket. Incidentally, my college gf was in town visiting – her comment when I came out to leave for the audition was: “Whoa, does somebody have a cappella rehearsal or what?” because I had basically regressed ten years. (Not that I consider keeping in touch with my trans identity regressing, it’s simply a style thing. I don’t wear a lot of khaki these days, much less full binding.)
I was, as is usual when I go out for LGBT parts, worried that I didn’t look butch or trans (or old or young) enough. I needn’t have worried.
How do I say this? Friends, I was the ONLY women they saw for the part. Everyone else there was a cis-man. Straight up Male. And unless the two guys who came in right as I was leaving were fully transitioned FTMs who passed so well I couldn’t read them at all, there were no other queer or otherwise trans identified folks there, save for one excellent and flamboyant drag queen (isn’t there always one excellent and flamboyant drag queen?). I was the only butch in a button down.
Now, this is for a quick play reading happening at a very, very large and liberal university, with a well-known director and casting agent. I would have thought whatever trans campus group at the uni surely would have sent some excited folks out in spades. I thought that since the casting call was open to professional actors, too, I would get a chance to meet at least one or two other trans/queer/possibly butch actors. I was wrong.
I also got the part. Thank goodness, because I don’t know how I would feel if the FTMs in this show were all cast with cis-men. I mean, I’ve been cross-gender cast since I was 11 years old, and up until my mid-20s, I’d played more boys and men on stage than female characters. But it seems weird to me to cast straight cis-men in FTM roles instead of trans folk or androgynous or butch women, or even gay men. Not that any really great actor couldn’t pull it off – I guess it calls to mind Felicity Huffman’s performance in Transamerica, for one. I guess I just keep hoping that I’m not the only one trying to do this. Brave enough to do this. Stupid enough to do this. Take your pick. I suppose I really shouldn’t be that surprised, but I guess the dissonance I feel trying to blend my professional performing career and my identity is probably enough to scare most other queer performers away. This ain’t no drag show, son.
Hey there Max,
Congratulations on the successful audition and getting the part…hope you will reveal the name of the play and other details shortly. Here in Austin, a slice of a musical I’m writing about the butch/femme community in the fifties, titled DICE, is in rehearsal. The director and I purposefully sought out butch and femme performers for this short play festival, altho the casting call was open, we saw many women eager to participate. We ended up with two butches, two femmes, half gay, half not. After the February staging, I’ll hopefully write the full musical, and present it in a year or so. Its equally enlightening and frightening to be so visible, making LGBT cultural strides in the world. As a fellow butch, I appreciate your efforts to take a stand, and weave your way thru the arts world.
Hi Candyce – Thank you so much for the encouragement! It’s a reading of a new play called CLICK, about a young pre-transition FTM meeting up with an older, fully-transitioned FTM for advice and friendship, and all the mess that comes with living trans. Your musical sounds terrific, I would love to hear some of it once it has legs. 🙂 I don’t know much about Austin, but it’s great that you’re able to find performers of all stripes out there. I’ve been working with a friend developing a musical with central lesbian characters for the past two years out here, and it’s incredibly difficult to even find a “boyish” woman to fill our one butchy character (I keep threatening to do it myself, but I’m a bit too young to play off the lead… ah well…). Best of luck for your projects and thank you for reading!
Congratulations!
Thanks! It’s exciting!
This is quite an interesting story.
On the one hand, it’s called acting, so in theory a slew of people could fill this role. On the other hand, if it’s about a pre-transition ftm, and if you want to be “faithful” to the story, you should aim at getting a butch-ish looking woman. Yet the magic of these roles is that the gender of the actor is often rendered irrelevant – which I’m guessing is a very very rare occurrence in theatre or film, as it’s probably the one characteristic that’s never compromised.
All in all, you’d think that a casting call for an FTM in LA would bring more queers to the audition. And congratulations for getting the part, I’m sure you will do it justice.