it chafes when you're on it so long...

How is it that I am so often found not-butch-enough for the butches out there, and too butch for most folks to deal with?

My mind knows it comes down to the semantics of identity, the interpretation of titles, and plain old-fashioned interpersonal judgment. My tender  ego wishes everyone would just hush up and let me figure myself out in peace.

In the interest of sorting this mess out, I made a (highly stereotyped and somewhat discomfiting) list of pros and cons to determine where I sit on the fence at this point in time. It’s a snapshot, really, as opposed to a moving picture.

Presented heretofore without comment:

The Upside:

1. Wear almost exclusively men’s clothing, including the requisite collection of striped and plaid button-down shirts, and men’s undergarments. (This fashion bit is changing, but what’s a few weeks of fashion versus ten-plus years?)

2. Short short short haircut, normally styled in a messy faux-hawk.

3. Have experienced intermittent periods of non-shaving, along with intermittent periods of non-facial waxing or grooming.

4. Am extremely handy with tools and gadgets, and excellent at fix-it jobs and home improvement.

5. Carry a sensible canvas wallet in my back pocket.

6. Have never and will never carry anything that could be classified as a “purse,” unless in a Shakespeare play, and the said purse hangs right next to my over-large codpiece.

7. Have not voluntarily worn a dress, stockings, or skirt for over ten years. When dressing up, opt for suits and ties.

8. Know how to lead a lady in a tango.

9. Can tie perfect windsors, half-windsors or four-in-hand tie knots without the aid of a mirror.  Can also tie a variety of boy-scout knots. Has been known to come in handy in (cough cough) a variety of situations.

10. Generally eschew makeup in lieu of great hair product.


The Downside:

1. Pretty, pretty eyes. I get comments on my eyes almost every day. They are the #1 factor in the cries of “Oh silly! You’re not butch at all!”

2. Giant rack of bosom. (Though considerably smaller since I lost 45 pounds.) Makes binding or the wearing of sports bras nigh impossible.

3. I do not care about sports or cars, even Subarus.

4. I have started enjoying having clothes that actually fit my body. This eliminates a large part of the menswear section.

5. I am a lyric mezzo-soprano. Meaning I can sing high, in an opera voice that will blow your head away.  I can also sing second alto (low), and prefer that, but when I put on my diva voice folks lament that I’m not prancing around in a velvet cape. Actually, folks usually lament that anyway.

6. I do not let “clippers” get near my head, regardless of my dykecuts.  Buzzing is for marines and balding men and dykes with heads that are not as tiny as mine.

7. Hair often aspires to “the Judy,” inspite of my best attempts.

8. Lack of self confidence often makes dressing a harrowing experience. More harrowing is when I’m dressed an leave the house.

9. When in the company of regular straight ladies, I am a stranger in a strange land. Husband? Nail salon? 401K? Heels? PFfffft!

10. Retardedly awkward around other butches due to inherent, latent, raging shyness.